An Odd Wedding (Squid x Toast)
by Rome Airi
Summary: Squid falls in love with Toast, but his joy is not what fate wanted.


Despite Ron's resentful anger towards his friend Harry, the last of their trio was determined to have them make up. So, without another word to Ron, who was whining about the spotlight always being on Harry, Hermione gathered up a stack of toast and began searching for Harry.

Soon, she found him by the lake on the grounds of the school, sulking a bit. She offered some toast, which he accepted, and they began walking around the lake and talking. When Hermione finally brought up the subject of Ron, Harry dramatically tossed the piece of toast he had just picked up into the lake (at about this time, a sick girl across the Atlantic raises a piece of toast to the sunlight streaming in her living room, chanting "Holy Toast...")

The toast sank deeper and deeper, worming its way to the bottom, where the giant squid rested. This squid had no peers, but if he did, he supposed he would be called, simply, Squid. He lacked imagination and creativity because he didn't have any means to channel his thoughts, nor others of his species to speak to, so he mostly just loafed around all day and slept.

But today, he sensed something new. He turned to see whatever was the matter, and came face to face with Toast.

Toast was perfect in every waterlogged aspect. The colors, which complemented her shape so wonderfully, blended in with her surroundings and left him wondering if she was merely a glowing angel, descending towards him in a dream. After poking himself furiously for a few moments (can't exactly pinch himself, as he has no appendages to do so), Squid decided that she was not a dream and it was merely love at first sight. (Sparks would've flown, except this was occurring underwater and anything related to fire doesn't really work underwater, under normal circumstances.)

The Squid from 10 minutes ago would've scolded him for believing such a thing. "Love at first sight, Squid, you old thing! A fool you are indeed!" his prior self would say if squids had a language and if they could actually speak.

Squid took Toast up in his arms—tentacles—and swung her about gently, careful not to disturb her pretty little...head?

Although Squid was usually a patient fellow, he wanted to marry her immediately, and had a long conversation with Rock to marry them. Rock was a tough nut—rock—to crack; although it took decades for him to respond to Squid, since that day he had been a good and steadfast friend. Rock said, "No, my friend! It is too early for marriage!" or at least conveyed that idea, as rocks can't actually speak either.

But, no no, Squid would have none of that! So, like the true friend he is, Rock married Toast and Squid, and they were therefore named Bread Product and Sea Creature. Squid wanted it to be "man and wife" or some nonsense, saying that the humans he had stalked in his younger years said that, but Rock declared, "Poppycock! That's a myth!" Squid would have debated further, but Toast gave him a stern look and Squid, anxious to be wed, agreed with Rock for once.

Everything was peachy at first, and Squid danced nonstop with his new bride, which suggests he has had brides previously, but Squid insisted that she was the first he had loved. He even took her to see the world above the lake, which he had not done in years, and even waved to a small blonde boy with excited eyes and a camera too big for his face.

His happiness was short-lived, however, for Toast began to fall apart. If Squid could gasp dramatically, he would have, except he couldn't, so instead he swam back down instead, hoping that the water would heal his beloved, to discover that instead of helping, the water only disintegrated her further.

Wallowing in self pity, Squid threw himself down next to Rock, crying and lamenting as much as a squid could (so lots of dry sobs and heaving...squid equivalent of shoulders). Rock cuddled with him, which wasn't very comfortable for Squid, but his heart screamed such agony that he didn't care. "I tried to tell you, toast has a short life span," Rock said, or rather, not said. "But don't worry, yeah? She dissolved in the lake, right? She's all around you now, all the time. Isn't that better than marriage?"

Upon that realization, Squid's brief hatred for everything faded, and he refuses to leave the lake.


End file.
